Support or Sabotage
February 19, 2016
I have a “friend”. (Actually she is a “professional peer”; a colleague… someone I deal with regularly in my working life; someone who I meet up with for the purposes of business (often over lunch or during the evening). I use the word “friend” deliberately… because sometimes she doesn’t seem to be on my side at all…
My “friend” is, by her own admission, carrying more weight than she would like. She has also “tried everything”… and none of it works. This is now her default setting and is one she is keen to share with anyone and everyone.
I have been quietly, slowly and steadily losing weight. I have now got 15lbs to go to be at a weight I will be happy with. I made the mistake of mentioning this to another colleague… within earshot of my “friend”… and it took me a while to realise that… my “friend” isn’t entirely happy with my success… (or so it would seem).
I confess… for a while I didn’t realise what was going on.
One afternoon a choc-chip cookie appeared at my desk. The accompanying “post –it” note read
“you look like you need this…”
I didn’t. It went in the bin.
Two days later a packet of chocolates appeared…with my “friend” telling me
“you really need to try these… they are amazing…”
they may well be… but getting back into a favourite pair of trousers is rather more “amazing”. The chocolates were emptied into the communal reception area “goodie bowl”.
Then she had
“tried out a new recipe at home… I wondered what you think of it”
… and handed me six cup cakes… with the most buttercream I have ever seen atop a bun… (luckily another friend… a true friend… runs a weekly coffee morning raising funds for charity. I donated the cakes which sold for £1.20 each… all proceeds going to a worthy cause).
By now I had sort of realised that perhaps my “faux friend” wasn’t being quite as supportive as it may appear. I got the feeling that my “success” was not something she was keen on celebrating… indeed her focus seemed to be rather more on “sabotage”… and it planted the seeds of suspicion…
I found myself analysing the reaction of people around me to my weight loss. Some, like Lovely Husband, were genuinely delighted with my efforts. He often tells me that when I’m “in the zone”… when I’m “determined and focussed” I am so much more happy in myself… and he is right.
A couple of people voiced caution…
“ooooh, well you don’t want to get Too Thin… do you?”
“at your age you don’t need to be size ten… just be happy”…
And finally… the (thankfully very small) group of people who were rather less than supportive. One claimed that I was
“trying to be sixteen again… it’s pathetic”
another who said…
“you know that as soon as you get to your target you’ll just start putting it back on again”
… and my work colleague – who has never actually uttered any words which could be deemed unhelpful… but who is constantly putting treats and temptation in my way… whilst smiling sweetly, saying
“… just one… won’t hurt”.
I understand that not everyone wants to be size 10, or 12 or… I understand that some people are heavier than I am and are perfectly happy with that. What I don’t understand is why, knowing that I was so unhappy with the “extra baggage” I had acquired over the past three years, why other people can’t just understand that it’s something I need to do… not only for my physical wellbeing, but for my psychological wellbeing too.
I am not on some foolish faddy crash diet that will see me turn to skin and bones before their eyes; I am not living on a menu of hot water with lemon, supplemented by the occasional bowl of cabbage soup. I am making sound, sensible nutritional choices. I am on a slow but steady course to trim my waistline. I am hoping that I will look in the mirror and be happy with what I see there.
I am lucky that most of the people in my “inner circle” are supportive and help me remain steadfast… the problem is that because so many people close to me are honourable and “on my side”… I sometimes forget that not everyone shares my goals… or is as committed to me reaching them as I think they are.
I am sure that you all have people in your “weight loss life” who are shaking their pompoms and being the very best cheerleaders then can for you. Value their support; let them know that it helps…(sometimes it Really Helps…) but also… keep half an eye for those who might not be quite as “encouraging” as they would appear. Sometimes “sabotage” can look like “support”… if you’re not sure… just look again… closely.
Have a wonderfully supported and successful WLR weekend.
With a hug
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