July 24, 2015
I’ve just spent a couple of days being very strict with myself. I’ve also been kinder to myself than I have been in the past. It’s been very productive and has put a spring in my step in terms of my ongoing quest to get to goal.
The task that I set myself was to do a wardrobe purge – both in the wardrobe in the bedroom that holds my “what I wear now” clothes and the spare bedroom wardrobe which holds the items which I put in the category “too fat to fit” clothes. The reason I did this was because the everyday wardrobe was too full. I could barely separate the coathangers to see what was on them, which meant I was simply wearing the same five or six outfits at the right hand side because they were quick and easy and “look okay”.
When I started my clear out, I thought that it was going to be a question of selecting the clothes that fit but don’t flatter and returning them to the “too fat” spare wardrobe. I also planned to be utterly ruthless in terms of the “too fat” clothes – and resolved that however much I loved something, I would be completely honest about the possibility of ever being “thin enough” to wear them again. However, I would not be “brutal”.
Hindsight has been a very valuable tool for me in terms of my current weight loss mission.
When I was in my late teens I was very self-critical. I had very few photos taken as I just hated the way I looked. Not just my physical features, I was also very harsh in terms “of why did I think that outfit suited me...” It is only recently when my parents uncovered hidden boxes of photos that I can look at them and (without sounding conceited) ask myself what on earth was I worried about? I looked fine…(but teenage insecurities and unkind comments from my peers resonated far more loudly back then). It is also documented here on WLR that I judged myself very harshly for having to “squeeze” into a size ten dress having reached goal some years ago. The fact that size ten still seemed to be “too small for me” made me think that I was still “big”. It was only later that I discovered that the reason it had been a squeeze to get into was because I had failed to notice (and undo) the hidden zip in the side and had actually got the dress on anyway!
I now always keep these two circumstances in mind when I am trying on clothes – whether they be new purchases or items I’ve reinvestigated from the “doesn’t fit (yet)…” wardrobe.
It isn’t always easy. My inner voice still has an overly critical “default setting” but I’ve now learned to question my initial response whenever I see my reflection in the mirror. My first reaction is usually “disappointment” but instead of whipping off the outfit and getting despondent, I force myself to look with “kinder eyes” and the result is that what I often first see as “horrible” or “lumpy” or “awful”… really isn’t. Okay, it may not be the exact replica of the image I had in my head, but it certainly isn’t as bad as the grotesque caricature that I often used to persuade myself I’m seeing.
Sometimes we really can be our own harshest critic. In terms of “self assessment” I can now see just how unkind I’ve been to myself in the past.
I can still be unkind at times, but I try to take a much more balanced viewpoint. Yes, I need to lose weight, not only because I want to see a more pleasing shape when I look in the mirror but, more importantly, because I want to be within a healthy weight range and BMI – but I also need to make sure I have a healthy and balanced “mindset” as well. There is nothing wrong with being stern with myself; there is nothing wrong with noting the areas of improvement and those areas which take more willpower. But I also need to cut myself some slack when it comes to assessing what I see, where I am, and where I’m heading to. On my WLR journey I know there will be rocks in the road along the way… the thing I have to stop doing is putting dirty great and downright unnecessary boulders there myself…
Here’s to a wonderful WLR weekend for all of us!
With a hug