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Hudson's Headspace: I Did it My Weigh!

Member's Blog - Journey of a Weight Loss Resources' member…

Mirror Mirror on the Wall…

November 29, 2013

One of the main reasons for me finally deciding to halt the not-so-slow-but-very-steady increase in my weight is because of what I saw when I looked in the mirror… (in our house it isn’t ‘on the wall’… it’s a floor to ceiling panel in our wardrobe unit in which I can see every lump and bump…). 

Even dim bedroom lighting didn’t do me any favours… and the only word that came into my head whenever I was checking my appearance was “hefty”.  (I should at this point explain that I am not obsessed with looking at myself in mirrors… I do it only when I’m leaving for the day job, or heading out in the evening… otherwise I avoid my reflection as much as possible).

I also realised recently that because I am unhappy with my appearance I am guilty of neglecting myself.  I have this idea that when I get to goal I will have a new hairdo, replenish the elderly items in my makeup bag and treat myself to some lovely clothes. 

“In my head I am planning a “grand unveiling” of the new, gorgeous slender me… ”

But I’m having a rethink now.  I know that when I get to goal (please note the use of WHEN not IF…) I know I will be far happier with what stares back at me from the mirror… with or without a hairdo and brand new lipgloss… when I get to goal they will just be embellishments.  What I should be doing is actually being kind to myself right now.  Okay… I may be fatter in the face than I would like, and my waist has disappeared for the moment, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t take pride in my appearance now.

I think the reason that I haven’t been pampering or “treating myself” is because I don’t feel that I deserve it.  Somewhere in my head I’m angry with myself for letting the weight creep on and because I feel unattractive at my current weight, I’m sub-consciously “punishing myself”.  It’s almost as if I’ve told myself I have no right to even try to improve my looks until I’ve tackled the “weighty issue” of being three stones heavier than I would like…

The problem is… I look in the mirror and hate what I see… so feel I don’t deserve to look pretty… so make no effort… so when I look in the mirror I hate what I see…  I seem to have unknowingly got myself into a vicious circle without even realising it.

But, I have decided to take action.  As I mentioned, I am planning to go out this weekend to pick out my “Christmas Party Outfit”.  But that means looking at myself in changing room mirrors and as my default setting is currently “you look awful”, I know that I could just end up despondent and despairing no matter what clothes I try on.

So… I now have a hair appointment at 10am on Saturday morning.  I am having a cut, blow-dry and a few lowlights put in.  I have also resolved that I am leaving the house with full make-up on and will shop for my outfit once my “new do” has been done. 

I may not be 100% happy with my appearance right now but self-neglect is only going to make the problem worse not better.  As lovely as it would be to hide myself away for six months in my current “caterpillar state” and then emerge as a “beautiful butterfly” once I have got to goal, it really isn’t practical in real life. 

I may not like the fact that I have allowed myself to get so out of shape… but that doesn’t mean that I can’t like myself full stop. 

So, next time you look in the mirror and decide you don’t like what you see… look again.  Find one thing in your reflection that pleases you… from a lovely long neck, or beautiful nails (real or with help from the salon…); or resolve to make an effort to style your hair a little differently or experiment with make-up.; you could pick up a vibrant new lipstick or eyeshadow that makes the most of your best features… or even just add a bit of colour with a wash-in/wash-out hair colour.

I am going to look forward to my “mini-pamper” day on Saturday and I hope whatever you are doing over the weekend that you have great time and remember to be kind to yourself.
With a Hug
H14

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About the Author

I'm northern (but migrated south); I'm married to my Lovely Husband; I'm a twin (older than my sister by just a matter of a few minutes); I have family to look out for; a day job to pay the bills; I 'moonlight' as a writer and performer of comic verse; I sometimes struggle to juggle life with all its various demands; I often wish for more hours in a day… And I'm on a journey to lose weight to take me to a healthy size, shape and BMI…

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