May 27, 2014
The last two weeks have been a very steep learning curve. Life has thrown dirty great boulders in the road that is the route for my weight loss journey. It’s been really difficult to maintain a positive mental attitude when I’ve been worried, stressed and not sleeping. Things have felt really difficult and the urge to drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine, a few very large G&Ts, or my bodyweight in chocolate has been overwhelming. Lovely Husband is now on week three of not smoking, and even he admitted that he had been close to giving in on his quest to quit. But both of us held fast, stayed strong and didn’t give into our demons.
It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t. The rocks are still scattered before me but the strange thing is that I’m feeling really empowered by the fact that I didn’t revert to my former default setting of comfort eating and drinking. I think the undercurrent of my thoughts during all the chaos was that, whilst everything else seemed completely and utterly out of control, I could still decide my fate when it came to what I chose to eat and drink. LH felt the same about smoking. He also pointed out that having a cigarette wouldn’t change the circumstances one iota. It wouldn’t make things disappear, it wouldn’t make the outlook any brighter… all it would do was be one more thing to be disappointed with. I couldn’t agree more. He is absolutely right.
A chocolate bar never changed the course of history (well not as far as I’m aware – if any of you know differently please let me know) and viewing the rocks in the road with the blurred vision that comes from downing a bottle of rioja doesn’t actually improve the situation
if anything it makes it worse because you can’t navigate the obstacles with clear vision and when you do bang into them, you don’t actually realise how hard they’ve hit until the alcoholic haze has disappeared and you are left inspecting dirty great bruises which you could easily have avoided.
Like I said, it wasn’t easy. It has taken conscious effort and real self-control, and I’m not out of the woods yet - the difficulties are still very real and very daunting. But each day that passes, where I have stuck to my tee-total vow and restrained myself from the junk food that is responsible for a good many of the extra inches around my waistline, is a triumph in the face of disaster. Each night when I have headed up to bed knowing that I am well within calories and that I haven’t fallen off the wagon have been the only bright spots to focus on; but they are bright spots, and I’m really, really focussing on them.
We had a brief respite from the trials and tribulations of “real life” when LH and I attended a VIP motorsport event at the weekend. It was a welcome distraction and, as predicted last week, it was full of temptation.
Had it not been for the fact that my resolve and willpower have been so sorely tested over the last twelve days I am not sure I wouldn’t have given into to endless glasses of free champagne;
I can’t promise that I wouldn’t have piled my plate high with all manner of calorie-laden items from the all-you-can-eat-all-day-long buffet. And as for the free “Italian Ice-Cream Bar” (with twenty four different varieties available),well, it is entirely possible that three weeks ago I would have taken root in front of it and eaten my bodyweight in frozen dessert. But I didn’t.
I have learned possibly the most important lesson that I need to grasp. Food and Drink do not provide comfort. They do not change situations or circumstances in a positive way. The only thing they do is create a sense of deep personal disappointment that I didn’t have a strong enough will to resist; and provide the added calories which transform into an ever-widening waist measurement.
It is now almost a mission for me, to stay steadfast and focussed on the things that I can control whilst everything around me is in turmoil. It feels like being in the middle of a tornado and I am trying to stay calm and in control and focussed on those things that I can have an effect on.
The liquid in my glass and cup and the food on my plate – I still have the power to moderate and regulate these. The maelstrom around me is something that I can do little about other than do my best to withstand the battering and hope that when the chaos dies down that I can pick my way out of it without too much lasting damage. But I will be much more effective at managing this with a clear head and the knowledge that if I put my mind to something I can do it.
Every night LH and I make our way upstairs to bed, and each night we cheerlead each other for having got through the day without the need for the “crutches” of the past. In the scheme of things they could be considered small victories, but they aren’t, they are dirty great battles we have each won on a daily basis.
The war may well be raging, but each battle we win takes us closer to victory. It isn’t easy. It is challenging and draining but it is possible. A year ago I would never have believed that not having a glass of wine could be so empowering.
LH would say that he would not have believed he could handle the current stress levels without the aid of nicotine. But we are proving, hour by hour, day by day, that anything is possible.
The great thing about WLR is that is provides a great forum in which lessons can be learned. Knowledge can be gained about nutrition, exercise, mental wellbeing and all the other components that together help us wend our way down the route of changing habits and changing shape. I am grateful for all the wisdom and knowledge that I find on the website... but most of all I’m glad that it has helped me learn that I am stronger than I think I am and that if I put my mind to it – anything is possible.
Here’s to an empowering and inspiring WLR day for all of us.
With a huge hug
Learn to Stay Positive
A positive Mental Attitude can go a long way to helping with your weight loss. Take our free trial and see just how our support network can help you to keep going.