Good for a Giggle
April 11, 2014
Laughter is going to be my tonic for today... and as we’re all here for a reason and share a common bond. I thought I would share a selection of light-hearted “diet” quips... which I hope are good for a giggle and might help with the lighter side of life (I particularly like numbers 5 and 11...)
1. Started my diet this morning. Already lost 2 pounds. The coin fell down the side of the car seat and my hands are too fat to squeeze down there.
2. I've decided to make money writing dieting books... I'm told they appeal to a very wide audience.
3. I've just started at Slimming World and it's brilliant, you're allowed 15 sins a day... I've been doing Gluttony and Sloth today.
4. I absolutely REFUSE to swallow my pride... The last thing I need in my diet right now is more empty calories.
5. I've been doing really well on my diet recently, but the other day I ate a 50p coin. People keep saying to me "You look like you've put on half a pound..."
6. Diets... they're for people who are thick and tired of it.
7. My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman wrote “Horrendous eating habits.”... “What makes you say that?” my friend asked... The woman replied, “I can’t spell atrocious.”
8. To gain weight, takeaway Pizza. To lose weight, take away Pizza.
9. I've nearly finished the pills the doctor gave me to stop me from being so greedy. I want some more.
10. My mate bet me a tenner I couldn't come up with a good Vegetarian joke... I had a few, but gave him the money there and then... They were all to Quorny...
11. My psychic girlfriend was a size 20 and sad. But now she has lost weight to a size 12 and is a happy medium.
12. Dieting is not a piece of cake.
13. A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
14. I don't exercise at all... If God had wanted me to touch my toes He would have put them higher up my body.
15. Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a Desserter?
16. A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.
17. The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
18. What’s the most fattening thing in a Knickerbocker Glory?... The Spoon.
19. Calories (noun); Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
20. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Here’s to a Happy Day for all
With a Hug
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