An Ideal World
February 19, 2015
It’s mid-season limbo for me... on one hand I’m loving the wonderful food that appears as if by magic courtesy of the slow cooker. Hearty winter vegetables; a choice cut of meat; a handful of assorted herbs all coming together whilst I’m at work and providing some hearty winter fare for Lovely Husband and I after a day at our respective offices.
On the other hand... the shop windows are full of the spring/summer collections and my thoughts are turning to all things “dining al fresco”; the joy of salad and grilled chicken on the barbecue; long lazy evenings in the garden with a glass of something lovely;
long weekend walks without the need to be bundled up like a big white inflatable car part advertisement (other tyres are available...).
It’s also the time of year when I have to start sorting out my wardrobe. Here at Hudson HQ we seem to have been very fortunate and only had a week or two of “real winter weather”. During that fortnight I was very happy to have a good selection of jumpers and cardigans to choose from but it has been mild for almost a week now.
I have turned down the thermostat on the central heating and taken two hours off the time that the radiators are on and I’m beginning to ponder the issue of moving my winter wardrobe into the spare bedroom and bringing the summer wardrobe back out. And I have to confess I’m not overly happy with the prospect.
In my grand plan, and in my “ideal world” I had a goal that I wanted to be at by the time my own personal “spring collection” made it back into the boudoir.
Unfortunately the significant family issues of the past two months have meant that I have only lost a couple of pounds – rather than the “almost a stone” I had been planning on. I make no excuses. I let my WLR routine slip somewhat. I didn’t abandon it entirely – I have been keeping a check on what I eat.
I have been steadfastly refusing to live on a diet consisting solely of items from hospital vending machines (not the most nutritionally sound offerings I’ve ever encountered); I have not yet gone to the drive-through and stocked up on nuggets/fries/milk shakes (although the temptation has been very difficult to resist when it’s been a long and stressful day and the “old ghost of comfort eating” appears in true “A Christmas Carol” style. But thus far I have not surrendered to that demon.
I should be content that I have managed not to put on weight. I know a couple of years ago that the pressures of everyday life (as I know it at the moment) would have seen my waistline expand at an alarming rate; the nutritional value of the food I was eating would have been no better than the brown bags it came packaged in; and the spring collection would be nowhere near close to fitting after six months of winter.
So I have a lot to thank WLR for. The advice I have got and the habits I have learned have meant that the “damage” of the last few months is minimised.
I should be pleased that the lessons I have learned do seem to have become my new “default settings”... but I still feel the need to beat myself up for not having got to where I wanted to be in my ideal world.
In my ideal world I would be pulling out the clothes from the spare room and celebrating the fact that they are too big. In an ideal world I would be hitting the high street in search of a whole new set of spring outfits with the number in the label a size or two smaller than “last year’s collection”. But that is not to be.
What I should remember is that, in the parallel universe which was “pre-WLR” I would indeed be hitting the high street in search of new season clothes – but in a size (or two) bigger than the previous springtime.
I would be trying to hold the carrier bags and the two pasties from a well known national bakery at the same time, all the time feeling glum and despondent that the clothes in the carrier bags weren’t the ones I wanted... but were the only ones that would fit me.
So I’m trying very hard to banish the thoughts of an “ideal world”. I am trying to be content with the fact that the clothes from last year (which I remember being excited about being able to fit in) were outfits that I was really pleased with and were a sign that I had made significant inroads in my quest for a slender waist and thinner thighs.
I am trying to be content – but not satisfied. I am using the angst to motivate myself to getting through the next few weeks doing as little damage as I can to my weight loss plan; I am channelling my disappointment and turning into a source of determination to ensure that I don’t go backwards on my WLR journey.
The fact of the matter is we don’t live in an ideal world. If we did we would all be the shape and size we dream of; we would have perfect teeth; glossy hair; sparkling eyes; rapier wit... (Please insert your “ideal choices” as applicable). The world is not ideal, and at the moment beating myself up because I haven’t attained that “ideal” is self-sabotage.
I am learning to be patience, to be kind to myself, to cut myself just a little slack... And I guess that’s really what the ideal world should be, the place where you don’t have to be perfect all the time, you just have to do the best you can for as much of the time as you are able to.
Whatever is going on in your world – be kind to yourself and have a wonderful WLR weekend.
With a hug